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Like the naked lead the blind, i know i'm selfish i'm unkind...
...Sucker love i always find, someone to bruise and leave behind
i really love how this computer can help me escape my reality. it just lets me drift into a world of the unknown and lets time pass ever so gently. i hope my death is like this

Current Mood: nauseated nauseated
Current Music: my chemical romance

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Current Mood: bitchy bitchy
Current Music: matallica "the unforgiven"

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so here it is, a friday night...why fuck am i home?!?!?!? **shakes head** work was oddley...amusing shall we say? i actually had someone come into visit me at michaels tonight ^_^ that always makes for a happy manda. Rick from my other job came in. he wants to meet new ppl however no one that i wanted him to meet was working so he just hung out with me. (mind you he's 21, has many-a-cars and lives with a buddy in a house.) i came to the relization that my lunch approching so he and i went to arby's. i said something about paying with my card and he said he had money and not to worry about it. so of couse i blow it off thinking he's just trying to be nice. we get there and i pull out my wallet and he tells me to put it away. i proceed to explain to him that i'd feel bad if i took his money and he told me to shut up, get whatever i want and to get used to him buying stuff if i'm going to start hanging out with him. we eat and talk. might hang out sometime this weekend since my ass has nothing to do after work tomorrow or sunday nor does his. this could be fun. after work i just drove around for a bit. i didn't want to come home. i usually dont on the weekends. plus i made a cd that has all my current favorite songs to listen to on it. really enjoyin new foo fighers and gwen stafani. yea i love it all.

tomorrow's the 18th **sighs**... is it tuesday yet? T_T goddamnit i need a hug!

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Current Mood: lonely lonely
Current Music: foo fighters "best of you"

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bah capstones are today. so far they're ok. my feet hurt real bad from the shoes that i chose to wear but oh well. there's actually a guy who's interested in me takin pictures possibly for him sometime of his cars. ^_^ woot woot^_^ **happy manda**

i'm going to get freakin fat. i've had wendi's for 2 days now...no lunch for me tomorrow. yea...

gwar ppl are back and david's yelling at me...-_- **tear**

Current Mood: blah blah

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ee cummings is such a great poet ^_^

Current Mood: sleepy sleepy
Current Music: the offspring "the kids arent alright"

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wow...last night was amazing! not exactly what i had in mind but never the less awesome as hell! i dont even know where to begin... the day started out yucky with the rain but right when derek showed up it went away and the sun came out^_^  i got my hair done at 1 and it looked awesome...now that it's the day after i look like a cheap hooker but anywho...derek got here and we started taken pictures however the poor guy got really really nervous so not many smiles especially at michaels...lori and linda showed up like they said they would ^_^ i was soooo freakin happy! i <3 them so much! linda even went so far as to bring in her mini printer for memory cards to print off some pics for me to take home that night!!! after we depart from michaels, we come back home for like 1.5 hours and derek proceeds to fall asleep while i watch ron white.



 when we got to the lansing center we walked in and looked around. i spotted kristen in her duct tape suit then my eyes wandered to her left...tim was there!!!! i was so happy ^_^ i miss my tim. he was all dressed up and stuff...simple things in life man. talked to him for the first part o prom for the most part. he carried my stuff  lol, such a great friend!XD derek didnt want to dance at all cept for slow dances even then he only danced once and it was to eric claptons "you look wonderful tonight" so that made me happy. i like that song. but for the most part tim was my dancing partner. surprisingly enough that kid can dance decently O.O danced with joel for one song...i miss him so much. i just miss the crew from freshman year, they were awesome! so the night continues and eventually tim comes up to me and asks if i want to get pictures taken...HELL YEA I DO! we sneak out to the back and got our some of our souls stolen ^_^ i can't wait to see how they turn out! i cant wait to have senior pictures with that kid. despite how much i wanted to kill him 2 years ago, he'll always be one of my best friends. 11 fucking years, you cant just forget about something like that. come back dance some more, got pictures taken with derek and a keychain **woot woot** then we just cuddled out side of the "ballroom" where they were playing shit music. my god, it was a fucking orgy in there! O.O guys were humping girls from behind, the girls where rubbing their butts on guys...yeas...jesus christ, tim and i were laughing our asses off. but the last song they played was Kc and jojo's "all my life" but instead of dancing, derek and i just sat in the lounge area and my god he actually kissed me, like continually out there! O.O i was like "whoa...awesome ^_^" he even put his arm around me while we were sitting in the prom area...i was amazed! but then again he also had joel yelling at him so maybe he said something...meh who cares? at least he did it! we went back in grabed our champane glasses and i stole some fake flowers from the table then proceeded to our chariot...his mom's car complete with driver **cheesey smile** go back to his house, attempt at getting out of my dress but it didn't want to come off of me! rawr!! eventually get it off with the assistance of his mom go upstairs, watch tv for an hour go down stairs where we watch american beauty and then popped in titanic but we fell asleep during that. stayed up till 4 AM...it..was...awesome! i woke up at 9 while sleeping beauty didnt awake till 10 something and when he did, he sat up, looked, put his arm around me, pulled me close and fell back asleep for another 20 mins -_- i couldnt sleep anymore...i had headache from hair being pulled back and his pillows suck. not to mention he's a bed covers hog -_- freezed my ass off....until i stole them again ^_^ so that was the extent of my days. not what i expected but they were definatly worth every penny that was spent! i cant wait till next years! oh yea, my shoes got more attention than i did because they lit up. people who dont EVER talk to me did because of them...i felt special even if it was for just a few moments.



now that i've lived out this dream...what one do i have to look foreward to now?????
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so far the week has gone by pretty quick, pleased by that. **sighs** feeling a bit meloncholy, dare i say even emo... maybe it's just the day or perhaps the fact that i know prom isnt going to live up to expectations. has everything lost it's magicalness? pretty cool, yesterday i pretty much skipped 4th hour and my teacher didnt care. told him i had a digital camera and i wanted to go take pictures so he told me to go nuts! and i did, went down stairs on the way, aquired samm and anthony!!!! bummed a buck off of anthony since he loves us so much...he's our plum pimp...and we got peanutbutter cookies and there was my lunch -_- but samm's lunch got over with and i just hung out with simmons and anthony then i ran up to my class grabbed my shit and snuck away w/o being noticed. get back down there and i find out that derek got his prom ticket...i haven't had to bug him about ANYTHING!!! I'M SO FREAKIN PROUD!!!! the gang gets down there and JP is forced to sit across from me so what do i do, i put my foot on his area of the booth and pretty much shove my foot up his ass for awhile just because he deserves it for putting his ice cold drink on me!!! i fear the cold! asshole but a funny one anyhow...i sit there and just watch the guys play cards and talk about their "mom's" like i do everyday and slap JP around some more then stole his drink hehe. 5th hour i drew on samm's pants and 6th hour, on the way there anthony popped up, gave samm and kiss goodbye then proceeded watched movie about black people...no offense if you're black but i'm getting really fucking tired about hearing about the fact that your skin is a different fucking color. if you're albino should we celebrate that you're white as hell? no. if you're slightly tanner than other people should we dedicate a whole month to you and your "kind?" fuck off. it's so stupid. in addition they're always talking about equality, well by getting a whole month of celebrating the fact that your of a different color and talk like your retarded, i dont believe that is equality that is still separating by race. we're not even gonna go into the fact that if you are of a different ethnicity you have a better chance of getting into college, that's BS. but anyway, i had no intention of getting into that...sorry...after skool went to the hill at frandor with derek until i had to go to work. we talked about some things...took him home went to work and talked to lori about derek and the new nazi manager jeff and how i wished mike was back...i miss the spaz...never thought i'd say that but i do. go home, surprisingly family is just sitting down for dinner O.o happy day for me since i had no food through out the day. go inside to take a shower and to disappointment i missed dereks call and he never called back T_T i really needed to talk to him damnit >_< friday i'm taking the afternoon off and getting my nails done, cashing my check, picking up last minute prom stuffs and working. o joy. get to work with the nazi manager again -_- he and i are gonna get into it one of these days, just because i'm a teenager doesn't mean that i dont know what the hell i am doing or that i can be pushed around! i have seniority over his ass damnit! the man pisses me off. o-f-f off! so grwar.

forever is only temporary

Current Mood: crushed Emo
Current Music: cold "suffocate"

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The Keys to Your Heart



You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.


You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.


Current Mood: giggly giggly
Current Music: green day "scattered"

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OMG I'LL KNOW IF I GOT INTO NEW MEDIA AGAIN TOMORROW!!! >_< I CAN'T TAKE THE ANTICIPATION!!!!

Current Mood: anxious anxious
Current Music: my chemical romance "hang em high"

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